Week 4 - Dan's Class

Dan came in from Toronto tonight to give us a taste of Toronto's structure. We started with a nice warm-up and went into a cardio "stage." This was very intense, and Dan told us that it was the part that everyone hated. In the middle of it, I had to leave to vomit (my asthma taking its toll and causing me to dry-heave to the point of vomiting), and returned to get back into it. It consisted of a lot of dizzying rolls, QM backwards and forwards, and the like. Next was the "strength stage," which consisted of a lot of planks, push-ups, squats and sits and whatnot... My stomach started to get to me again during the sit-ups, which I let myself rest during.. and after they finished, I basically had to run to the bathroom to give up the rest of my dinner. Unfortunately, I missed the rest of the strength stage. A few chili peppers got stuck in my nasal passageway, but not in any place that I could blow out.. so I had to wait for gravity to pull it back down my esophagus... I sat out during the "themed stage," but watched intently, wishing I could take part in it because it looked like a lot of fun!

The theme tonight was speed and agility, which consisted of quick turns and redirecting momentum. Vault, stop, back around, and vault again. Many different variations of redirecting momentum and finding ways to do this, including jumping and rolling into the mix. Best of all, I could see each participant visibly get more agile and faster during the process. At the end of it, there was a larger set-up which utilized basically a shuttle run type of mentality with vaulting thrown into it. Very cool and very effective. A 'conditioning stage" was thrown into the end, which I was having a conversation with Jess at the time, so I wasn't paying too much attention to that.

During the free time, everyone did their own thing and a lot of technical drilling went on, as was the case. Feeling better, I did a few drills myself, though I did have to take long breaks between each movement because I would start getting upset again. A newcomer, Matt, showed a lot of progress in his very first day and displayed a natural knack for the movements. I think he'll go pretty far with this, and it's a shame I won't be around to see it. All in all, I think I'm better off having seen the way Dan run things, even if I couldn't participate in a lot of it. My asthma is getting beat, slowly but surely, but it still interferes a great deal with my training. This only tells me I need to train harder, more diligently, but through slow steps so I don't end up killing myself... I've had too many close-calls with hospitals and near-fatal accidents to really want to go there again, but I cannot let this beat me.

Week 3

We started with a light warm-up, briefly overviewed the basics, and began the class. We spent a long time experimenting on vaulting following a roll, immediately coming out of the roll into the vault. This proved rather difficult and we needed to each refine our exiting technique for the roll, even if some of our entrances seemed fine for absorbing impact. We then experimented with pop vaults and did some light conditioning for our ankles. We had about half an hour at the end of free time which consisted of general training, teaching, conditioning, and the like.

Class - Week Two

The second gym class, today focusing on wall techniques, which mostly resulted in cat grabs in different forms. We started with a warm-up and went over the basics with some drilling, and I instructed where it was necessary. And then we set up the cat, and I had the group drill jumping cats from a stand (and jumping from the cat to a precision), then a running jump to a cat from a further distance, and lastly several variants of vaulting into a cat. I wanted to work with some tacs and other ideas, but there'll be time enough for that later.

We started the conditioning set by doing some plyometric push-ups using the taped lines of the floor as a reference. Each set consisted of five push-ups, the first being a standard jumping to the right hand above the line and the left hand below. From here, we jump-pushed to the opposite formation.. then jump-pushed to a diamond, and jumped to a widestance afterward. The last push was back to normal. This proved rather intense for some of the people, and okay for others. We only went through three sets because some of the guys were collapsing, though I hope that later on, we can work up to doing six or seven sets with minimal rest time. The next part of the conditioning consisted of doing calf-raises on each of the steps (seven each step), alternating between a normal stance, heels apart, and heels together. This took a considerable amount of time, and when we reached the top, we stretched out our calves and descended each step with ten shin raises. Because of the length of time it took, the free time was cut into, and we left with half an hour of open play, in which Jordan, Fabio and I worked on some more conditioning while the others drilled random things. The conditioning consisted of pull-ups with a false-grip, some simple jumps, weighted shrugs, a few deadlifts on a barbell, and some dips. We closed with a stretch.

Overall, I'm surprised at how much time we used up, which shows me that we're utilizing the time properly. The only thing I would like is to endure some more intense conditioning without resting so much, but I also don't want to push the limits of everyone too far, and especially not myself. I'll keep experimenting, but hopefully, Dan will come out and show us some other ideas in the next two weeks or so.

Numbness and Life

What am I living for? I can't seem to answer that question. I've become so numb that I hate everything that I am. Everything I've become in the past ten years or so. Everything that I've evolved into. It was regression, not progression. I haven't dedicated myself to school. I haven't dedicated myself to any amount of work, or even my training, which is what I am MOST dedicated to right now, despite not having trained in several days. I can't even get my sleep back to normal, even when I'm trying. My friend Sean pointed that out to me today.. or.. yesterday.. He said, "No matter what you do, you always get back to this schedule. This Andy schedule.. the complete reverse of everyone else. You take naps at midnight, Andy. You go to sleep at 10AM, and wake up at 4 or 5PM, and live fully awake when everyone else is down and out. You live alone, and when you fix it and try to come back to the world of life, you might for a few days, but it always goes irrevocably back to your time. Even with pills.. with medication that attaches itself to your NERVOUS system... you can't do it. You can't live in our world." I MIGHT pass my classes.. I might graduate.. I might get a job and come back.. and all that great shit.. But what am I living for? What am I fighting for? What does any of this mean?

Nothing feels real anymore. Not school. Not my family. Not my friends here, or my work here, or even my existence, because so much of my time is walled up in this room, alone, in the dark.. laying in bed.. listening to music.. trying to sleep when I know I just can't. Noodling away at guitar with no progression and no aim. Actively NOT writing. Not thinking. Playing games.. Everything's so virtual.. my whole life. The only time I ever feel alive is when I'm outside, gripping the concrete, running, propelling myself through the air.. hurting.. bleeding.. feeling the roughness of reality on my fingertips, on my feet, the air breaking apart my skin.. The only time I've ever been in real control of my life.. and when I'm cutting. see, that's the thing.. everything else is so virtual. Am I a student? Just virtually.. On paper. In marks and grades. I don't study. I don't read. I barely work, yet the marks are there.. alive and kicking and passing and outdoing several students.. A virtual student. A virtual person.. Social security number, passport, driver's license, back accounts.. But no real identity anymore. Even when I tried to find life in other pursuits.. my writing, which I still adore, but has only been a means of virtually controlling my own emotions.. Music,which became so temporary and fleeting.. What permanence do I lend to the world? Where do I fit in? Where do I exist? Only in these walls. In this room. This mess and hell.

I'm sick of it. And even if it's plagued my world so much more severely than others, how many people here live just as virtually? It disgusts me, what I've become. But it's also what Parkour is the solution... why it clicks with so many of us... because it's that one thing that reminds us what life is and how to not feel so numb and empty and dead inside. One of the greatest things I remember being said about Parkour was said by Pkdanno... "But you want to bleed a little. You want to feel the concrete on your hands and its roughness. You want to feel alive again."

When my hands are pressing the concrete, pushing my body forward... When I'm pulling with all my muscle to top that wall, when I'm rolling into the dirt.. When I'm tracking up mud, or feeling the snow against my skin, or the rain pounding down onto me or the sun blazing its heat, it's when I feel alive. It's when I feel whole and complete and like I'm actually human. When we're re-engaged with movement, we become connected to humanity again... At least, that's what I like to believe. And we've become very far detached from it, and maybe I'm the only one who's getting sick with self-hatred... But what I want this to get across is that... We must remember life. And find our ways to keep our hearts full. For many of us... Parkour is the way.